Starbucks, & Spirituality

So, I got a job. Yay!

I started training at Starbucks this week. (And, because I'm telling the whole internet, I'll probably eventually get stalkers or something. Oh, well.) It's a good company, I'll say that. I'm actually impressed with their ethics (at least their professed ethics!) and values of being connected & committed to the communities they are part of. I mean, if I'm going to work for a corporation, it's nice to know they (at least pretend to) care about their employees and suppliers. And the planet.
On my first day of orientation, I was impressed at language they used to describe the ideal working environment. In one pamphlet, called "The Green Apron Book," five goals/values are listed:

• Be Welcoming.
• Be Genuine.
• Be Knowledgeable.
• Be Considerate.
• Be Involved.
  

I really liked that. In fact, it almost sounded spiritual to me. It sounds like an excellent list of goals/values for a church. "Offer everyone a sense of belonging. Connect, discover, respond. Love what you do; share it with others. Take care of yourself, each other, and the environment."

In fact, when my supervisor read me the mission statement, I was struck by the ways in which they are endeavoring to be connected, at every level.

And don't we all want to be connected?

I've been reading a LOT of Madeleine L'Engle lately. I just finished "A Wind in the Door" today, and as usual, I was crying at the end. Her books have (re)highlighted this idea of connection. She puts forth the deeply spiritual idea that everything is intertwined--from galaxies to the smallest part of the molecules that make us up.

I love that.

Because, for all our instant communication technology (which I'm not knocking; I just had a conversation with my bro via text, and one with a very good friend via facebook), we aren't very connected to anything these days.


So. Maybe coffee is just coffee. Or, maybe, (not to sound like I've been drinking the espresso-flavored kool-aid) it's more than that. I'm looking for a way to keep a positive attitude about this job; I'm trying to find ways to integrate it into who I am. So that it's not just someplace I go and rush around at for eight hours so I can pay my bills. I don't want it to be something I endure...I want it to be part of who I am. I'm still figuring out how that might work.

But if Madeleine L'Engle is right (and I think she is...I hope she is...) then maybe making a good cup of coffee for someone and serving it to them with a smile is a way of fighting on the side of good.

That sounded dramatic. I mean, it's just coffee, right? Consumerism at it's finest?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe I'm just a little farandola who is finally learning how to Deepen.

The Great Hunt

Well, it's that season of my life again: Job Hunting.

I hate it. But, it is a necessary evil.

Seriously, though, I am baffled. Why do companies care what high school I went to? I graduated from it more than a decade ago, and it's about 3,000 miles away. So what does it matter? Ugh. I feel like filling out applications kills a little bit of my soul every time.

Okay, so I'm being melodramatic. I'm just frustrated that I haven't found anything yet. Even the jobs that I've interviewed for aren't making a decision as quickly as I'd like them to. Not to mention, none of the jobs are exactly things I see myself doing for very long.

At this point, well-meaning, good-hearted people always say to me: "What do you want to do?"

And my answer is always a half-hearted, wistful mention of my writing. But I had a revelation lately. Writing isn't a carer for me, either. Not because I haven't been officially published; I'm learning not to look at publication as a "stamp of approval" from the world certifying me as a "real" author anymore. It's just that writing isn't as much a calling as it is a part of me. I write. I can't help myself. Even when I don't have paper or a computer in front of me, I am telling stories. Sometimes they are only in my head--that steady stream of narration that frames who I am and what I'm doing throughout the day.

Still...it would be nice to get published. I read this great book a little while ago called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott, and she talks about how her writing students always come to class wanting to know how they can get their writing into print. And she instead tells them that most likely, their expectations of publication will not come true. It doesn't often bring fame, fortune, and a sense of purpose. But, she says, write anyway. Writing should be its own reward and joy.

It was good for me to be reminded of that. I am trying to use this time of unemployment to work on queries and outlines and revisions (as well as my other stories). But it's because I want to share my stories with the world, not because I need a sense of self. Part of what I love about writing is connecting with other people. Lately, I've been exchanging books and notes with my friends who are also writers. It's not only fun, it's helpful!!

Another thing that has encouraged me is a favorite author of mine. I've been reading a lot of Madeleine L'Engle lately. And I am struck by how she beautifully intertwines the ordinary and the extraordinary, the mundane and the cosmic. I want to be able to write like that, to create and develop characters that really grow and speak and do amazing things.

So, it's not so much that I just want to be a published author; I want to be a really great writer. I want to write things that speak to people and move them to tears and laughter. I am a writer; what I desire is to be really great at it. And that desire is so strong that most other things pale in comparison.

In the end, is that what I've been hunting all along? Maybe.

"Jealousy is the art of injuring ourselves more than others." (Alexander Dumas)

So, pretty typical morning, surfing the web...what started as a simple search to see if I could squeeze in a viewing of Star Trek before work (sadly, no) ended with bitter diatribes against a movie sub-archetype called the "Manic Pixie Dream Girl."

I wanted to post my own reply to the articles I read, but since most of the articles were months, if not years, old I decided instead to voice my thoughts here and share them with you lovely people.

Apparently, there's some resentment building against a female type of character, most notably summed up by Natalie Portman's Samantha in "Garden State." This is what Jezebel had to say: 'The A.V. Club defines the MPDG as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."' AV Club also provides a worst-offenders list of cinematic examples, which includes at least two of my favorite movies.

There was also a link to a blog by The Petite Sophisticate which ranted about the real-life versions of these women, whom she termed "Amazing Girls."

Now, I'm not going to repeat or try to relate all of the frustration that was poured out against this type of girl. I can, in fact, see where some if it stems from. However, since when is it okay to bash a whole genre of female? Petite seems to imply that somehow these girls are willfully manipulating the men around them, tricking them into wanting only their brand of love and adoration. She comes off sounding jealous; I wasn't the only one who noticed.

There are some things about Amazing Girls (AGs) or Manic Pixie Dream Girls (MPGDs) that I like and can relate to, and some I can't. Sometimes in movies, their quirky, free spirited ways make me (like the guys who they work their magic on) feel like being less afraid of everything.

However, posts like Jezebel and Petite's make it sound like these girls always steal the guy away from the down-to-earth, ballsy, opinionated chick. Not true. In fact, I've found the opposite to be true in my life. I'm not exactly a pixie, nor am I brunette, but I do love the arts, and I do tend to be wide-eyed and sentimental. Did I get all the guys in college? Nope. You know who did? Girls like Gina--short, sassy, and opinionated. I have another friend like this, and I swear--every time she's around, the guys gravitate toward her.

I always felt overshadowed by this kind of girl--ultra spunky, able to talk about guy stuff and sound knowledgeable, unafraid to try anything. In fact, I was quite jealous for a long time. But the truth is, I knew these girls were not as fearless as they seemed to the guys who swarmed around. None of us really are, right? And I knew they dealt with their own insecurities, and felt threatened by different types of girls.

But why should we women spend so much time feeling insecure and threatened by women who are categorically different from us? Instead of heaping girls into categories and labeling them, dissecting them so they sound less special and unique, we should be celebrating each other. I am serious.

I may like the MPDG, but I also like (and always have) the tough action-figure chick. Princess Leia has been one of my favorite heroines since I was about 3. I loved her! Firing guns, barking orders, strangling Jabba, dressing up as a bounty hunter to save the man she loved...she was flat-out awesome. BUT what made her awesome too was that she had another side: a side that cared about her brother Luke, and who was drawn to Han despite her protests.

I also love Rogue of the X-Men, Batgirl, and Sydney Bristow. Heck, I even loved Daria. She was hilarious in all her dark humor. I love the way my BFF can bluntly say what she really feels. She's full of compassion, but has a low tolerance for BS. She voices her strong opinions without worrying if it's going to offend anyone. When I first met her, it intimidated and kind of annoyed me, but now I love that about her. Because I am not like that. I can't shout my opinions and not be concerned about hurting someone's feelings. At least, not yet.

That's why this whole silly debate over which feminine archetype is superior is pointless. We need each other. We need women who can say what needs to be said, and we need women who love wholeheartedly. We need to hang out together, learn from each other, rub off on each other. We need Realists and Idealists. We need starry-eyed dreamers as well as capable and practical doers.

This starts at a very young age, this categorizing. I know second graders who group girls into "girly girls" and "tomboys." And yet at that age, most of the girls are a beautiful blend of both! So why do we start boxing ourselves in and drawing imaginary geographical lines??

Instead of feeling threatened over which group gets the most guys (or attention), we need to realize the bigger picture. We're on the same side. We shouldn't be competing with each other like the contestants on The Bachelor. No, we won't always get along or see eye-to-eye. But we can help each other. I really believe that.

Truthfully, this is something of a new viewpoint for me. I've spent most of my womanhood being jealous. Of skinny girls. I've been threatened by those cute, petite little girls, like the friends I mentioned earlier. I was angry that some girls seemed to attract guys so easily, while most of my guy friends stayed "just friends."

But I'm on a new kick right now. As I prepare to turn 30, I've decided it's time to leave my perpetual insecurity in the dust. I've spent most of my 29 years feeling inadequate and apologizing for existing. Not just with guys. One of the great things about turning 30 is that I'm realizing all the ways in which it's time for me to grow up. Sometimes it's rough, and none of it happens instantaneously. But one way in which it's become glaringly clear that I need to mature is this basic attitude about myself.

I've decided I don't want to spend the next thirty years of my life trying to live up to other people's standards. Even well-meant ones. I will never be as perfect as I'd like to be. I'll never have it all together. I still don't know exactly what I'm doing with my life, but I have a lot less guilt and angst over it, and a lot more grace.

Grace is a beautiful thing, and I feel like there's not quite enough of it here in the world of cyberspace. So I'm sending out this little tidbit in the hopes that it will "tear a little corner off the darkness," the way God has been doing for me lately.