A Most Auspicious Post

Okay, I admit--that last post was filler. Fluff. It's been a while since I wrote anything real, I know. But for once, I actually waited to write for a specific reason:

This post, the one you're reading right now, not only marks my three-year-anniversary of blogging, it's also my 100th post.

I thought about a lot of different things to write on this most auspicious post, for my 100th message and three year anniversary. I considered doing a recap. Or talking about the changes taking place in my life. But then I got all introspective-like. So I've sort of gone back and read through a bunch of my previous posts, just to get a sense of where I've been and where I'm going. After all, blogs are really kind of like non-private diaries that we share with the world. I was looking for common themes, and I found them.

I talk a lot about: Singleness (how I'm okay with where I am), Jobs (how I'm wrestling with what my calling and vocation are), and Pop Culture (how I interpret the stories I see).

I began this blog three years ago at the advice of my best friend Brianne. (She started a blog at the same time, but has much more of a social life then I do.) She felt that it would be a good forum for me to sort of send my thoughts out into the universe. At the time, I was really struggling with balancing my ambition to be an author and my frustration with not being published. She, like a few others in my life who I'm eternally grateful for, felt I had something to say.

Right now, I'm trying to assess whether her belief in me was accurate or not. Have I said anything important, weighty, or significant in these 100 posts? It's not that I'm fishing for reassurance or a pat on the back. I'm just evaluating.

And, more importantly, should I continue to write? Keep trying to say something? Should I keep up this humble blog, even when it seems like no one is reading it? I never had extravagant expectations for this. I wasn't anticipating hundreds of hits a day. Still, it's nice to know when people read it. It's nice to get a few comments. It helps me to know whether I've communicated what I set out to share. And, it connects you and me, through this vast network we call the Internet.

Blogging is such a weird thing. It puts words and thoughts out there for anyone to read, and yet no one does. Or at least, it feels like no one does, unless they leave a comment or make a point to say so. Still, last night I was reminded that sometimes the things I do and say that seem insignificant to me can have more importance than I realize. I don't know how or why that happens, except through God.

And the plain, honest truth is, if it weren't for God, and His work in my life, I wouldn't have a thing to say.

Belief Over Misery*

One of the important things to remember when blogging or journaling is to write about both the bad and the good moments.

Why the bad the moments? To be honest. To remind yourself and everyone else that perfection can't be found here, and struggles will come. And sometimes, because it helps to vent. For me, writing my thoughts down helps give them focus and clarity. But also, it's important to record what the issue is, what you're dealing with, so that you can see later how you've grown. More significantly, you can see how God is working.

That's why we have to write about the good moments, too. They are like the monuments the Israelites used to build to remind themselves of God's provision. It's all too easy to get caught up in circumstances and see only how bad everything is. I'm so prone to that. I forget too quickly the ways in which God has provided for me in the past--but keeping a record helps combat spiritual amnesia.

So today, I am writing out of a sense of awe. That's something I haven't felt in a while.

God came through for me this week in a very powerful, undeniable way. And I...I am humbled by it, knowing that I don't deserve it.

I know I keep bringing up this Ireland thing...but I've been timid about it, afraid of having the door closed on me. It's happened before. So I've been looking for signs and signals, clues to see if this is actually where God is leading me, and not just my own wistfulness. Today I feel like God is confirming some things, and beginning to make a way for me.

I ask you to continue praying for me, not because I'm still so uncertain, but because I'll need it. There will still be struggles and doubts; I'll be under attack.

I'll continue to give updates. We don't leave until next month--July 12th.

Again, I just felt like I needed to record something positive. I've been dealing with a lot of negativity in an area of my life lately (specifically, my calling, gifts, and purpose), and this week was like...the sun coming out after a thunderstorm. (No offense to rainy weather!)

I was led to the Psalms the other day, and found myself reading 23 & 25. 25 is where Third Day got their song "My Hope is You," and that was kind of an anthem for me the other day. Psalm 23, however, is so well-known that I don't often pay attention to it. It's cliche. Or so I thought.

But suddenly, words leapt off the page:

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

It's not cliche, after all. It's beautiful. It's just become so commonplace that I stopped noticing.

I don't want to stop noticing what God is trying to say to me--on the contrary, I want to hear more and more.

I've got my heart set
on what happens next
I've got my eyes wide,
It's not over yet,
We're miracles,
And we're not alone....*

* --Taken from the Switchfoot song, "This is Home."