50 Non-Dates

Once in a while, I have one of Those Days.

You know. Days that make you stop and think. Like, Where am I going with my life? What does God have in store for me? ...Am I ever going to find someone?

I am, by any definition, a hopeless romantic. Shocker, I know. So I'm not generally prone to pessimism when it comes to Love. I mean, things have taken a toll on my heart, sure. I have a tendency to get cynical every now and then. I think it's hardest when I realize that once again, I gave my heart away too quickly. That it wasn't valued by the guy the way I'd hoped it was.

It's actually easier, in some ways, to be hopeful when there is no one on the horizon. Then my imagination has free reign.

I'm back at that point again.

A couple weeks ago, I watched the movie August Rush. (I highly recommend it, by the way.) There's this thing August says about hearing the music that is all around. He talks about following the music, and how it leads people together. There was something so enchanting about that idea; and I thought to myself, That's what I need. Someone who hears the music, like I do. Because in a way, I do.

So, I've been rejuvenated by this idea. I guess I have to believe that if God has someone for me, he'll be right for me. I admit, I wrestle with this at times. I fear that I'll end up with someone who doesn't understand me, or whom I'm not completely crazy about. The truth is, I know things won't be perfect. Not like in the movies.

Tonight I watched the end of a few sappy movies that were on TV. And then I watched one of my DVDs. I own around 50 romantic movies. Chick flicks. Romantic comedies. From time to time I've worried that such a thing would intimidate any potential guys--probably because I read it some kind of Brio-type article when I was younger. And I've also worried that it might have warped my own perception of Reality.

Other times I think Chick Flicks have preserved my sanity. The thing is, I haven't had a lot of romance in my own life. I've just barely dated, and never been seriously involved with any guy. Because of this, I often like to think of my movies as Non-Dates. A lovely little spot of romance in my evening, as I imagine what it would be like to be swept up in something like that.

Yes, I'm a Sap. But, God made me this way for a Reason. I believe that. Maybe I'm meant to be Single always. It's also possible that I could end up with someone who is not sentimental or romantic in the least. Either way, I'm not going to worry about that now. Not when there is so much romance to be had...at least in the movies. :)