Growth

Well, it finally happened. Slowly but steadily, the world is tuning green again. And I mean literally, not the eco-friendly term (thought that does seem to be on the rise). Everywhere I look, things are growing again.

There's this great Nichole Nordeman song that talks about how God is in "Every Season" of life, and she ends with Spring:

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, Autumn, Winter...Spring.

(Listen to it, please. It's a fabulous song.)

I know I've talked a lot about my restlessness lately. I'm starting to get the feeling that it's because things are changing for me, too.

Sometimes I look at the last few years of my life, and I don't feel like I've changed much or done much with my life. And it's easy to want start with externals--like a new haircut, or a nose ring, or a tattoo. Something visible and tangible that says, "Look, I'm different." A new outfit. A new job. A new relationship.

But once in a while, God lets me get a glimpse of what He's doing in my life. I had a minor revelation last week, and it made me happy. It gave me peace. It gave me freedom. Which is what Truth does, right?

There are so many things I'm afraid of in life, it's ridiculous. I'm not talking spiders, here. I'm talking about all the little worries that flood my head whenever I think of doing something, especially something new. I fear failing, but I also fear changing for the sake of change--just to keep from being bored.

So as I look at the horizon of my life, I worry that I'm running from my old life just to avoid it. But should I let that hold me back?

I sometimes wonder if growth is painful for plants. Does it hurt trees to stretch their branches further each year, to reach up to the sky?

Right now, I feel a little like a heroine in a novel or a movie, someone who is on the brink of change and can't even see it yet. I just feel like I've been waiting for something to happen...stuck...but that just around the corner, something is coming. Does that sound weird? I'm okay with it if it does. I don't expect everyone to get it, I'm just kinda rambling.

I'm just at a point where I know things can't stay the way they are. Something has to give. Square peg, round hole and all that. I mean, I've made some friends here, and I'm grateful for that (not to mention, my family!). And for a brief window of time, I felt like I had a place here. But, I don't know...somehow I'm just too much of a gypsy. I feel like Vianne from Chocolat, always listening to the North Wind and moving on. Only, I'm trying to hear God, listening for where He is calling me to go.

Would you pray for me, as I listen? I'm considering Ireland. I will be attending a prayer/missions conference in the Dublin area later--in the summer. I want to go. Really. I'm excited about this trip. But I only want to Go--back, that is--if it's where He wants me.

He is growing each of us, just like the trees and the flowers. And thank goodness--I couldn't take much more of winter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. I've been remiss in my blogging. I'm sure my thoughts, quips, and ramblings were sorely missed. *ahem!*

So, you should know, I am listening to the new Switchfoot album. I like it. It took a little longer to get into than their last one, but I'm enjoying it. As soon as then "new" wears off, I'll tackle the stack of CDs Brianne left for me.

We had a pretty awesome time together over the New Year, when she came to visit and go to Bud's wedding. Our wild times together included watching many episodes of Bones, visiting "dahntahn" (downtown) Pittsburgh, perusing used bookstores (and purchasing many many books), and...a stop at the tattoo parlor! That's right--Brianne got inked! But you'll have to ask her to show you what she got and where. It looks awesome! And it was done by the same woman who did mine. I'm a corrupter of souls, I tell you!

Oh, and I finally got my nose pierced. The girl was really funny and nice but boy did it hurt! It's better now and I really like it. I'm not sure a picture would really do it justice.

We also played a little guitar hero...that game is quite addicting! I'm hooked now, and nearly through the Medium level career mode. Of course, I'm just fumbling my way through the hardest songs. But it's fun!

I also watched the "Ugly Betty" Marathon. I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed it, too. In fact, I think I like it better than "The Devil Wears Prada." I'm just saying.

Now I'm trying to get back to the grind and organized for the new year. I only made a couple of "resolutions"--more like goals, really. And it's the usual stuff I need to work on...so...yeah.
I think you're all caught up now! Yay you!

Oh, Shoot. I Should Blog.

Wow. Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, shame on me. What on earth have I been doing?

Well, since you asked:

• re-watching season one of LOST
• emptying baby bottles full of money at the Pregnancy Care Centers
• working on my third revision of “The Jagged Edge of Lightning”
• leading worship (sometimes singing by myself, gulp!) at Community Worship
• working on making a quiz about LOST
• watching movies, both at home and in theaters
• admiring my tattoo

Yep. I’ve been busy.

I have seen a couple of good movies lately—Walk the Line was pretty good, though hard to watch at some points because he just wrecks his life for a while. Still—Joaquin and Reese did great jobs, both singing and acting. The Lake House was very good. I love Sandra Bullock, and I hope I don’t jinx anything by saying she’s one of the few actresses I unabashedly admire. (Now watch, she’s going to be saying in her next interview that she’s joined Scientology with Tom Cruise.) Well, anyway, the movie was good and I recommend it—if you like that kind of romantic movie type thing.

I’ve also been working on my DVD collection…I made a list of all the movies I own and all the ones I still want to get, and it was rather frightening. I already have close to a hundred movies. And the sad fact is, a vast majority of them are either romance-based or family fluff. However, that is not entirely my fault; in my house, my brother buys all the action/adventure/blow-em-up movies, so I don’t have to. Though I did buy Spider-man 2 and Batman Begins.

Speaking of superheroes, tonight we’re supposed to go see Superman Returns. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will be good. You know how lame DC can be…okay, that was mean. What I meant was, some of the earlier Superman movies were kind of cheesy. So, we’ll see. If it’s good, maybe I’ll dedicate my next post to it. Or maybe just to superheroes in general. You know I loves my heroes!

Wild Child

Well, I did it. I went and got a tattoo.

What? This is not a belated April Fool’s Joke. I’m serious. I went to a tattoo parlor and got myself inked for life. Yes, me.

If you find yourself asking, Why?!? allow me an explanation.

I have not always wanted a tattoo. In fact, I used to think they were rather vulgar. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that to his or her body. But later, I met a few people who had tattoos, and they were pretty cool. So I decided maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I revised my legalistic attitude, and instead refined my objections to three (for me):

1. It’s too expensive. (I’m notoriously cheap.)


2. It’s too painful. (I’m a wimp, what can I say?)


3. It’s too permanent. (I’m also very indecisive and somewhat picky. What if I changed my mind? What if I disliked it later?)

Then, one by one my objections fell. It started with the third issue: I suddenly realized exactly what I would get if I ever got a tattoo, and I knew instantly that it would be something I would not regret. Then I picked a place on my body: it had to be somewhere where I could see and admire it (otherwise, I just don’t see the point), but also where I could cover it up most of the time. I chose my right ankle.

After watching several episodes of Miami Ink, and talking it over with my brother and some other tattoo-minded friends, I decided that maybe I would look around for a place. I began to save up my coffee shop tips and other cash in a jar by my bed. First objection taken care of.

A couple of weeks ago, the topic came up again—mainly because, for me, it was something I wanted to do for my birthday. Of course, if you read my last post, you know I did no such thing on my actual birthday. But in talking about it, me and my bro and a few friends thought it would be fun to all go someplace together. In the end, only one friend came with me and Kyle. And she was the first one to get inked! She got a trinity symbol on her wrist. It is very cool. (But then, she’s already pretty cool. How many girls do you know who can play guitar, bass, and drums? Seriously.)

Then it was my turn. I was nervous, because of my second objection—the pain. And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. It did. But not so bad I wanted to cry or anything. Just enough for me to clench my teeth and fists and be grateful whenever she stopped. But when she was done, I had my very own ultra-cool tattoo. Right now it’s just the outline. Eventually, I might get it filled in. We’ll see. The lady who inked me said to us, “Careful. They’re addictive.” I don’t plan on getting any more tattoos…I can’t think of another suitable spot, let alone another thing I would want to have on my body for the rest of my life.

But the Red, Rampant Lion that now adorns my ankle….if you haven’t already guessed, is Aslan. I took the design straight from the LWW movie. If you read either of my Narnia posts when the movie came out, then you have some idea of how important the Chronicles of Narnia are to me still—and how fundamentally they shaped my faith as a child. Aslan is to me, the best symbol of Christ. And now I have a visual reminder of that every time I look at my leg. (It’s also a teeny bonus that it very slightly resembles the red, rampant lion on the Scottish royal flag.)

It’s still sinking in that I did this, that I actually went and paid money for some woman to stick needles into me. But I like it, I really do. It still is a little tender, and right now the lines are raised and it looks a little like someone decorated my leg with icing—like a cake—instead of a tattoo. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, I didn’t go against my parents’ wishes and I am well over the legal age, anyway. My dad actually thinks it’s pretty cool, and my mom…well, I have a feeling she likes it better than the nose-ring idea I still have.

So, yeah. I have joined the tattooed masses. What’s funny about it is how it really does make me feel a little different, at least on the inside. I feel bolder, more daring. Even though most people will probably never see it, might not even guess that I would have one (and I toyed with the idea of keeping it to myself, but I was too excited), it’s there.

A fun, funky piece of body art? A permanent mar on my body? A testament to my favorite books? A symbol of rebelliousness? My tattoo might be all those things—and more. Like all art, it is what it is to you—but to me, it’s My Faith. All summed up in one little picture. Forever on my right leg.

New

It’s the New Year; are we having fun yet?

Switchfoot frontman Jon Foreman talks about the new year, saying how we love things to be new, but it is really just an illusion. When you wake up Jan. 1st, things really aren’t any different from the day before. Except now you have to remember to write a new year at the end of your date.

This is true, but I also think it’s an opportunity. Lots of things about time are just an illusion. Time itself, for example. Someday, we won’t have to worry about time. Being on time (like I never am), growing old, running out of time…those are things that will have no meaning.

For now, though, we are bound to time. We have to mark the passing of time somehow. And with a New Year, comes New Opportunities. At least, I hope so. I need this year to be different, to be better than last year. Desperately.

In that spirit, I actually made a list of resolutions, seven of them. I don’t usually do this, because I think it kinds of sets you up for a fall, but my good friend Jana reminded me that change doesn’t really happen overnight, and you have to be gracious with yourself in starting a new habit (or breaking an old one).

I’m doing alright so far. Not perfect, but alright. One of the things I included in my resolutions was to get: a cute haircut and possibly color, my nose pierced, and/or a tattoo. WHY??? You ask. Well, I have my reasons; perhaps I’ll post them later. So far I haven’t gotten these done yet, except I did cut my hair. I wish desperately that I had the guts to dye my hair a bright shocking pink, like the quiz I took recommends:

Your Hair Should Be Pink

Hyper, insane, and a boatload of fun. You're a traveling party that everyone loves to follow. (Yeah, that's totally me. Party Animal.)

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

But who knows? The year is young. Maybe the next time you see me, I will be new on the outside, not just on the inside, where God is making the most important changes.