Happy Freakin’ February 14th

Wow, so I had this nerdy joke all lined up for weeks about how the most important thing about this Feb 14^th was that they were going to start filming The Hobbit.  But then Peter Jackson had to go and get sick so they pushed it back to March, so there goes my punchline.  So instead, I searched for geeky Valentine’s Day jokes, and sadly, this was the best I came up with:

An electron is out a courting an atom and keeps flying around the atom to get its attention. Exasperated from all the attention, the atom asks, "Why do you persist in running these circles around me?" The electron replies, "I'm strangely attracted to you."

And then there was this:

Roses reflect a light frequency at one end of the visible electromagnetic spectrum,
Violets reflect a light frequency at the other end of the visible electromagnetic spectrum,
Sugar is C12H22O11,
And you release the endorphins in my brain.

But seriously.   I know it seems like every year at Valentine ’s Day I do a little rant about singleness and how much Valentine’s Day sucks.  Usually this is the point where I make some kind of speech about how I LOVE my singleness and I’m doing great and I’m content with where God has me.  While all that is true about 70% of the time, I must confess there is another side to all that, even though I don’t usually like talking about it.

Now, I’m a sap, but I’m also kind of a cynic at times, so I’m well aware that coupledom and & marriage do not equal a lifetime of bliss and a shiny, conflict-free future.  So hear me when I say that I do not think being in a relationship would fix my problems or make everything better.  It’s not that.  It’s just that…well, I’m a sap.  Always have been.  I’ve been dreaming of love since I was a wee thing—even when I thought boys were gross, I still sort of expected to find one I’d like someday.

I already have a hard enough time with my sentimental, mushy tendencies the other eleven months of the year.  Forgive me for sounding just a tiny bit whiny here, but then Valentine’s Day comes along and amplifies the whole damn thing.  I hate coming across bitter or desperate.  I’m really not.

It’s just…I have this idea in my head, you know?  That someday there will be a guy who will…see me.  And not just glance at my externals, measuring me against the current ingrained ideas of beauty and perfection.  Really see me.  Take a second look and find the beauty the goes below skin depth.  And he’ll take a moment to get to know me a little better.  Find out what common interests we have, what deep beliefs and convictions we share.  We’d become friends, laugh over things, share meals and drinks and our lives.  And if it were a story I was writing, the key part would be the moment when he’d take the step of going beyond friendship, of pursuing something more with me.  And not halfheartedly, but with a passion that would make all this waiting I’m currently doing worth it.

Some days I have a really hard time believing in such a scenario.  I see it unfolding in other people’s lives, but for me it seems so remote.  Other days I have to believe it, or I’d probably despair.  And whatever happens, I don’t want to turn into a bitter spinster.  I know God has a plan for me and has kept me on this path for a reason (though I have no idea what it is).

So this Valentine’s Day, though I may roll my eyes at the garishness & commercialization of it all, I will not let cynicism have the final word.  This year, I will choose to keep my hopes up and to believe love is real and romance is out there…I just haven’t found it yet.

And so for you, whoever you are, wherever you are, despite whatever is taking you so long, this song is for you.

To everyone else:

If you’re with someone you love, forget all that mushy frilly crap and focus on the reality that you’ve found someone worth sharing your life with.  That alone should make V day worth celebrating even in the simplest, smallest ways.

If like me, you’re single, let's band together against despair.  We’ll have our day.  Until then, this one’s for us—not geeky, not all “single power,” but sort of an honest prayer sung by gleeks:

And Happy Freakin’ February 14^th!

Glee, Sorrow, and Searching

Or, Further Thoughts on Grace & Love

This week's episode of Glee centered around religion and spirituality, which  naturally caught my attention even more than a typical episode.  My heartstrings got tugged in a lot of conflicting directions as the characters wrestled with faith and their differing beliefs.  Glee didn't go out of its way to answer any big theological questions or to raise one path over another, but it did display some beautiful, heartwrenching themes.

There were two main plot lines: one about Kurt, a boy whose father ended up in a coma, who maintained that he did not believe in God, and Finn, another boy who saw the face of Jesus in his grilled cheese sandwich and began to pray.  While at first these seemed like overdone caricatures, this turned out to be a very complex episode.  Kurt, the boy whose father was near death, pushed away his friends when they offered prayer and hope.  But I think the most beautiful thing about it was that his friends didn't give up on him. 

I've been a believer in God for so long that sometimes it is easy for me to forget that there are people who honestly struggle with the idea.  I used to argue with such people, and try to reason with them.  Though backed with solid theological apologetics, I'm not sure I ever persuaded anyone to follow Jesus through arguments.  Likewise, no one in Glee talked anyone else into seeing spirituality their way.  But they did try to be respectful and honest.

As is the case in every Glee episode, the cast sang: this week, they sang songs that reflected their feelings about faith.  Finn, after finding out that God does not speak through grilled cheese sandwiches (according to the well-meaning guidance counselor) sang REM's "Losing My Religion."  His girlfriend Rachel, a Jewish girl, sang "Papa Can You Hear Me" from Yentil to express her conflicted feelings.  Mercedes and her church choir sang "Bridge Over Troubled Water" to Kurt to let him know he was not alone.  But perhaps the most moving song for me was when all the kids sang "One of Us," Joan Osborne's once-ubiquitous 90's song about God.  This came after the Glee club had been warned not to sing religious songs of any kind during school (a side topic that stirred up old indignation from my fiery days as an outspoken Christian in a liberal California high school).

I used to hate that song: "What if God was one of us?"  It didn't make sense to me, because I believed God had become one of us, in the person of Jesus, and the person she describes in the song was not how I pictured Him.  But today when I heard it, in one of those moments that God keeps shining a light on to show how I've changed since those aforementioned high school days, I realized I kind of liked it.  I remember being so indignant about it, and how the Christian magazines I read were also ripping on it.  But now I think, it's kind of an amazing question.

"What if God was one of us?"  To an atheist or agnostic, it's kind of an interesting idea.  Perhaps because of all the cartoony representations of Jesus we get in the world, they've never stopped to think about what it would mean for God to actually be like one of us.  I don't know.  But the whole song is full of interesting questions.

What really got me were the lines "What if God was one of us?/ Just a slob like one of us/ Just a stranger on the bus/ Trying to make his way home/ Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone."  For the first time, I heard them as kind of a challenge.  After all, didn't Jesus say that whatever we do to the least of these, we have done to Him?  What if we stopped looking at those around us as faceless, and remembered that they are people, made in the image of God, searching and lost and messed up and broken, just like us? 

This doesn't make our life any easier.  We will meet people, like Kurt, who have been through so much in life that the idea of God doesn't make sense.  They may want our friendship but not our God, and like Mercedes, we won't win them over with a perfect argument, or a heartfelt song.  (But what is the alternative?  Giving up and burning that bridge?)

THIS, my friends, is why Grace (or vitamin G, as I like to call it) is so important.  We will face moments like the ones depicted in this episode of Glee.  And we will have to choose how to respond to hurting friends and family.  It's not a magic potion that will make everything better.  But Jesus also said that Christians would be known and identified as such by their love.  Tell me: when was the last time you saw THAT in a movie or a TV show?  When was the last time you saw that in real life?  Most of the time, Christians are known for their arrogance, hypocrisy, and tendency to judge.  Oh, and for being crazy.

We have gotten so caught up in being "right" and seeming righteous that we've neglected things of deeper importance.  Like...go on, say it with me...grace.  And love.  And wouldn't it be cool if we actually were known for our love?  Our deep, profound, crazy, inexplicable, supernatural love?  Because if I were to stake my life on something that actually would change even the hardest hearts, I'd bet on Love.

On the Other Hand...

Maybe I'm wrong.

If I let my cynicism take over, there are days like today. When I think, who need this?

Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe Love Stinks.

Seriously, what am I doing, here? What am I waiting for?

Sometimes, it's really easy to get frustrated. I look at my life, and I don't see the things happening that I want to be happening. And yes, I know it's all in God's timing.

But some days I want to give it all up, lock my heart away. It's frustrating to care about someone who does not feel the same way. And it doesn't get easier. This just doesn't seem to be something I can fix or make better on my own. I don't know.

I've been working on a story for a few years now, and the main character, Anna, is in love with a guy for about seven years, the duration of the book. Obviously, I'm not going to tell you what happens, but the point is, I didn't give it a second thought when I put her through that. I just assumed she could handle that kind of emotional torment and anguish. Probably because I assumed I could. And so for years, she tries to reconcile the fact that she cares deeply for a guy who for the most part is unable to love her back.

Is it just me, or is that depressing?

Anna is brave, I'll give her that. I'm not sure I would really be able to do the same in her place. I'd like to think I could...but then there are days like today. When I wonder why I would do that to myself. Wouldn't it make more sense to spare my heart, if I could?

God has given us all sorts of counsel and direction in his written Word; thank God, we have it written down in black and white. ... The more that wisdom enters our hearts, the more we will be able to trust our hearts in difficult situations. Notice that wisdom is not cramming our head with principles. It is developing a discerning heart. What made Solomon such a sharp guy was his wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).
We don’t seek wisdom because it’s a good idea; we seek wisdom because we’re dead if we don’t.
Wisdom is crucial. But wisdom is not enough. Wisdom is essential . . . and insufficient. ...
It was dangerous advice, indeed, to send the young maiden before her king unbidden, and even worse to send a boy against a trained mercenary. And frankly, it looked like perfect madness for Jesus to give himself up to the authorities, let himself get killed....The Bible is full of such counterintuitive direction from God. (John Eldredge, Waking the Dead, pp 99-100.)

I'm trying to figure out what God wants from me in this situation. It always seems like, at the end of the day, His words to me are, "Don't give up." Don't close off your heart. Don't become a cynic. Don't feel stupid for loving. Well, today, Love does feel stupid. And quite frankly, I'm not even sure if Love is the right word for anything that I"m feeling. What do I know about Love, after all? What do I know about relationships? What do I know about truly caring about someone other than myself?

Nothing. So, apparently, I've got a lot to learn.

A(n Unfinished) Love Song

I’ve never been great at writing songs. I’ve tried my hand at it a few times. Some of my worst were attempts at writing songs about love. Or at least, my limited experience of it.

There are millions of songs about love. Have you noticed that? Songs about good love, bad love, crazy love, desperate love, obsessive love, and—my personal favorite—unrequited love.

The point of writing a song about love, I presume, is to capture an emotion in a few simple lyrics that will resonate with listeners everywhere. And in these millions of songs, there are a lot of bad philosophies. A lot of bad advice. A lot of bad attitudes.

Now, granted, I don’t know a whole lot about love. I do know it’s more than butterflies. It’s more than chemistry. It’s more than how someone makes you feel. It’s more than looking into someone’s eyes and getting chills.

And yet, those things are a part of romantic love. I just think that at the end of the day, if all I’m looking for is a thrill, well…what happens when the thrill is gone? Or I feel it for someone new?

So it’s gotta be something deeper and longer lasting. I admit, I haven’t quite figured this all out. I don’t mean to be a scientist about this, trying to define and dissect something so complex. It’s just, at this point in my life, I wonder: will I know Love when it finds me? Or will I be too busy looking for what I think Love is to recognize it?

I have few theories about Love. One is that it has to be fearless. Another is that it has to be selfless. And wouldn’t you know it, those are two of the hardest things for me to be. Thankfully, God is working on me!! And thankfully, I have relinquished my standards of perfection. So, I know I’m going to mess up, but that’s okay. I think it’s one of those things that you have to practice in order to get better. And I spent so much of my life holding back out of fear.

I’m still scared. And confused. I think I always assumed that by this point in my life, I would have figured this kind of stuff out. And I’m surprised at how baffled I still am over guy/girl relations. Of course, part of my problem is that I overthink everything. But it just seems to come more naturally and easily to some people, and I can’t figure that out.

Love is a mystery to me…how two people can come together, and decide to share their lives with each other. The give and take. The letting down of barriers and being Real. It’s all so foreign to me.

In fact, the only part of Love I’m familiar with is the pining away part. THAT I know very well. I know how to love from afar. (If such a thing is even possible.) I know what it’s like to feel the crush-rush of emotions—euphoria, and disappointment.

And I worry: what if all my years of watching chick flicks have warped me? It’s only in recent years that it has occurred to me that the guys in chick flicks don’t exist in reality. For the most part. I’m not saying guys can’t be romantic. I’m saying, those guys always seem to say the right thing. They don’t give up very easily. And besides all that, the whole courtship is condensed into a couple of hours. Movies leave out all the moments when nothing exciting or romantic happened. You don’t get to see all the nights the girl stayed up till 3 in the morning, trying to figure things out. You don’t see her obsessing for hours, begging her best friends to help her make sense of everything. You don’t see her make mistake after mistake and beat herself up for it afterward, wondering if she screwed things up for good this time.

And you know what? I don’t think I’m meant to figure this out by myself. I don’t think it’s possible. We’re not meant to navigate life alone, anyway. But Love—well, that’s the ultimate cooperative experience. I love to hear people’s theories and experiences with love—the good and the bad. I think we should share them with each other to help us all make sense out of it.

Which is why, in the end, I keep watching movies and listening to songs about love. Even when they get it wrong. I’ve gotten it wrong before, too. Many times. Sometimes I’m tempted to give up…because love is hard sometimes. It hurts. But even I know that anything worth having in life requires work. Including Love.

So this is my unfinished song about Love…and I’m sending it out into the world.

Blah!

Okay, honestly, I've had a lot more going on in my head these past few weeks than you would guess. I kept meaning to get it out, post it here, but I just haven't. I don't even have a really good excuse!!

Even now, though, I don't really have time to spill stuff that's been rattling around in my brain. Just know that I've been wrestling with things like:

• Vulnerability
• Love
• Honesty
• Patience
• Friendship
• Personality Types and Temperaments (try my quiz!)
  
• and the Themes embedded in the Harry Potter stories. (Did you see the latest movie? Wow! There was some powerful stuff going on there. That's all I'm saying for now.)
  

But see, my second favorite thing (well, possibly tied for first, even) to do with these issues, besides writing about them, is talking about them with other people. I love to hear what other people think about this kind of stuff.

So, if you have any thoughts, post 'em! No joke! I wanna know--we all wanna know--what you've been thinking about.

QT

Several years ago, when I was in college (and I don't really feel like saying how long ago that was, as it is beginning to depress me a little) there was a popular book about relationships. (Actually, there were several, including I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Passion and Purity, and Lady in Waiting...good books, in their own way, I suppose, and though I have some on my shelf, I must admit I haven't been tempted to reread them in a good while.)

The book I'm talking about in particular here is called "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman (not to be confused with the former husband of Amy Grant). It proposed the idea that there are five basic ways in which we both give and receive love.
They are:

1) Acts of Service

2) Receiving Gifts

3) Physical Touch

4) Words of Affirmation
and
5) Quality Time.

The idea was that while you may be trying to show someone you care about them by getting them Gifts, but their love language was Acts of Service, your message was not as likely to be received.

After thinking about this for a while, I came to the conclusion that my Love Language was primarily Quality Time. Words of Affirmation is a big one, too, what with words meaning so much to me and all--but it's QT that really fuels me.

It's funny...because I think that includes quality Alone time, as well. But it extends to so many areas. Perhaps "quality" is a relative term; I know for me it includes good conversation. And laughter. Or even just sharing good stories (including movies, etc). Sometimes it's a three hour phone chat with a friend I haven't talked to in a while...sometimes it's watching reruns with my family...sometimes it's grabbing a coffee (or tea, in my case) with someone I'm just getting to know.

It's been years since I read that book, but for some reason the idea has come back to me. I think it's always good to look around you at the important people in your life and think about what their LL might be, so that you can love them better.

So what about you? What do you think your Love Language is? Let me know! I really am curious.

The Trouble With Love Is...

...it makes you do crazy things. Stupid things. Painful things.

Well, another S.A.D. has come and gone. Things didn't quite work out according to plan...we had a really bad snow/ice storm here that lasted through Tuesday and Wednesday. The roads were pretty bad; I called Laser Storm and they told me they were closing early. *frowny-face*

SO Kyle and I had some quick thinking to do. Luckily we were both home because of the bad roads. We put our heads together and decided to try to make the inclement weather work for us. Instead of Laser Tag, we invited people to go sledding and have a snowball fight. The snowball fight (my idea) didn't happen--it wasn't really the right kind of snow. But we did try sledding (Kyle's idea). By 'we,' I mean three other people besides my brother and I. (Hey, the roads were terrible!)

So the five us went to my dad's church (where I also work at the Pregnancy Care Centers; our tiny Admin Office is located there) and proceeded to sled down the hill. Now, I haven't been sledding in years. Decades, probably. And literally. But I had fun (I was freezing, because I have no winter gear).

One of our crew(*ahem! James! ahem!*) is slightly more serious about sledding than the rest of us; he brought his own sled and (if you can picture this) used it rather like a snowboard. OF COURSE the other guys had to try it that way. Standing up, holding on to the little string loop that served as the 'reins'...yeah. Brilliant. Only a guy would have thought of such a thing.

Here's where I got stupid: I thought it looked like fun. And what can I say? I've been up for adventure lately. Somehow my new creedo in life has become to not let fear hold me back (recent involvements with needles to adorn my body might ring a bell). So why shouldn't I try it? So I might fall. Big deal. Well, I did fall, several times. Most of my falls were soon enough that it was not a big deal. I was even given a lesson on the proper technique. I was determined to get to the bottom of the hill! But when I actually did, when I stopped being afraid of falling, I crashed. OUCH!!

I've been laughing at myself all day. I actually don't regret trying it, even though I'm still sore, and my leg still does hurt. I think I'll be fine in a couple of days. I mean, in one sense, you could argue that I was crazy for trying it, and you'd be right. But it was fun (up until the pain), and I am kind of proud of myself for at least trying. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I guess I'm blaming the Day of Love, and my new-found Love of Adventure, among other things.

After all, we're all gonna die (sooner or later); and not everyone really lives.

Love...and Hate

Well, it's February.
You know what that means.

Two weeks to S. A. D. *sigh.*

I don't know how to feel about Valentine's Day. You know?

On one hand, I hate it. It's just a reminder of my "single" status. It's a commercial holiday centered around mush that raises unrealistic expectations of what relationships are supposed to be like: dozens of roses, expensive jewelry, dinners in classy restaurants....And all of it is surrounded by pink frills and babies with wings and arrows. It's syrupy and disgusting.

On the other hand, I am kind of a sucker for romance. I am by my own admission, a sap. There's something sweet about the celebration of love. And, this might come as a shock, but I actually love pink. I love hearts, too. And flowers. And chocolate.

Who am I kidding? The only Real reason I hate V-Day is because I am single and can't participate.

This year, I am taking matters into my own hands. I am planning an alternative to Valentine's Day. An "alterna-tine," if you will. I just thought of it last night, so it's in the works, but I hope that it will be fun. I hope to invite other singles for an evening devoid of romance, starting with laser tag. Nothing says "I don't care" like laser guns.

Whatever happens, I hope to have a happy Valentine's Day. Because it's just a day, just another day. Why should it matter if I have any romance on that day? February 14th really isn't any different from February 13th or 15th.

But whatever your plans are, I hope you enjoy your whole month. After all, in two weeks, the pink hearts will be replaced by green clovers. :)

Everything I Need to Know About Life, I Learned From...

Anne.

As in, Anne Shirley. Well, Anne Shirley Blythe, eventually.


I’ve been re-reading the “Anne” books, from whence comes the origin of the title of my blog. “Scope for Imagination” is what Anne looks for in everything.

The books, penned by L. M. Montgomery, tell of the adventures had and lessons learned by Anne Shirley, a starry-eyed, dreamy, imaginative orphan, who brings joy into the lives of those who get to know her. I like to think of Anne as the Original Drama Queen. Anne—spelled with an E, mind you—has quite a knack for getting herself into humorous scrapes.

She also has a beautiful outlook on life. Anne sees the world as being full of glorious possibilities. And because of this, she brightens the lives of those around her irrevocably. Not that she’s a saint. She has a temper, and a tendency to let her imagination get the best of her. She has “down” days, like the rest of us, and she makes some mistakes that make you want to reach through the pages and shake her by the shoulders.

But as the books go on, we really start to get a glimpse of Anne’s—and presumably Lucy Maude’s—theology. L. M. Montgomery married a minister (as does one of her characters), and lived in a time and place where Christianity was taken for granted. But theology was strict, stolid, and “reformed.” People talk about things being “wicked” all the time—and they mean things like not thinking sacred thoughts on Sundays, and saying "darn."

Into this, Anne brings a fresh perspective. She says of her Sunday School Superintendent that he doesn’t pray as though he though God was really listening. Her idea of praying is to go into a field somewhere and look up to the heavens. As she gets older, she has some interesting (and radical, especially at the time!) ideas about Heaven. While her peers imagine it to be mostly like an Eternal Church service, Anne is fairly certain that there will be laughter, fashion (though it won’t matter so much), and the changing of seasons.

I love Anne. I feel certain—and grow more convinced every time I read the books—that we would be friends if there was every the possibility of us meeting. It sounds silly, but if there are fictional characters in Heaven (and I can tell you, Anne would probably revel in the idea!) I mean to have a good long picnic with Anne. She is, though fictional, from another time and culture, a Kindred Spirit. When I read her stories, I realize just how “Anne-ish” I truly am.

Interestingly, one of the over-arching themes of the Anne books is the idea of Ideals, and how you sometimes have to let them go. Especially in regard to love. I have a sneaking suspicion that L. M. herself must have been swept off her feet unexpectedly by someone she never expected to have any interest in. This is of great significance to me at this point in my life. I’ve mentioned some of my ideals when it comes to romance and relationships, and it is as if Anne is gently reminding me that they are not all as important as I have made them out to be. Which is good, all things considered.

However, if I were to count up all the things that Anne has reminded me, or taught me, this post would be twice as long. I suppose (grudgingly) that it’s not the kind of book that everyone would enjoy. But I still recommend it—them; there are eight books—to everyone. And don’t be surprised if I sound a little...effusive in my next few posts. Anne always has that effect on me.

S.A.D.

I guess what it comes down to is that it’s just that time of year.

I mean, I could blame a lot of other things, I suppose; Hallmark, married friends, hormones, chocolate, chick flicks….but I really think it’s just the time of year.


You know what I mean: Valentine’s Day.
AKA, Singles Awareness Day.

You know how Valentine’s Day got this new nickname? Of course you do. It was so dubbed by the single, bitter masses who don’t like having their status rubbed in their faces every February the 14th.

I really don’t consider myself bitterly single—at least the majority of the time—but there are days. Like Valentine’s Day. Now, I have at least one friend who argued with me adamantly that V-Day is not just about romantic love, that’s it’s not just for couples. There is some truth to this; however, that’s just not the way it’s painted for the most part. Just as Christmas has largely lost its beautiful, deeper meaning in our materialistic culture, so Valentine’s Day, too, has become focused mainly on romantic love.

That’s really not so bad; it’s just that it always seems to come right around a time when I’m already struggling with issues connected to my singleness. Recently, for example, I was reading some articles on Boundless, a Webzine in affiliation with Focus on the Family. Overall, it’s a really good resource for people in their twenties; but their preoccupation with marriage frequently alarms me.

I think marriage is a good and honorable thing, but I don’t think it’s for everyone. And I think far too many people rush into it today as it is. Their view is that most people ought to be married, and those of us who are still single in our late twenties ought to consider what we could be doing to head toward marriage. At first, I was affronted by these assertions. Then one night, I took some time and read their articles directed toward young single women like me. At the end of the night, I was frustrated and rather depressed. You might think articles titled “Finding a Husband” or “Pulling a Ruth” might be very helpful; but unfortunately, they weren’t for me.

Ultimately, I came to kind of a startling conclusion. I sat and thought about what it is that’s really important to me right now. I realized that as much as I’d like to be married someday, it’s not at the top of my priority list. If it was, maybe the advice offered by Candace Watters might have been more helpful. But for several reasons, that’s just not my main goal right now:

1. I don’t really feel ready for marriage. I don’t know if anyone really is ready for everything marriage requires, but I think at some point I ought to be on my own and providing for myself before I “settle down.”
2. My deepest desire right now is to use the gifts I have in writing and relating stories to reach people and help them connect to God. That this was a deeper desire even than marriage kind of shocked me; but it’s true. I have to be faithful to what God has given me and how He made me.
3. I really don’t think that any of the guys I know right now (and there aren’t many who are single and my age) are “for me.” I’m pretty picky, and not just superficially; see my post on Singleness. I’m not totally closed to the idea; I just don’t see it happening.
4. I’m not desperate enough. I don’t mean this to sound disparaging. But I know I would have to really be desperate to use an online dating service, or to start “networking” with people who “might know somebody” for me (as Boundless suggests). And I’m not. I don’t want it so badly that I’m willing to use whatever resource is necessary, and maybe that’s my problem.
5. But I really feel that if it’s going to happen for me, then it’s just going to happen. I don’t mean that I wouldn’t have to do any work, just that my work wouldn’t be in the “finding the man” department. Why do I feel this way? I don’t know, except that many of the important things in life have just "happened" without me seeking them out (college, and most of my jobs). Is it too fatalistic? Is it too naïve? Maybe.

The good news is, no matter what I feel about Valentine’s Day or Singleness or Marriage, God is in control. He is the one I ultimately answer to for my convictions, so if I’m wrong, sooner or later He’ll show me.

Until then, I’m going to try viewing S.A.D. as something positive: I’m single right now, but not necessarily forever. My awareness of my status could be of its temporal fleetingness, and a reminder to use my time wisely (as opposed to pining over something I don’t have). Maybe some V-Day down the road, I’ll be viewing it through different eyes and revel in the celebration of romantic love.

Or maybe not. Only Time will tell.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. *In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. (Why should I have to guess?) You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. *You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. (Or never date them in the first place.) *Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. *Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. (No, girls never think about marriage.) In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
(Don't know if all that is entirely true, but it was fun anyway.)