2010 in Review

Or, It was a Helluva Year, Wasn’t It?

Well, it’s the end of one year and the beginning of another.  Whenever I get to the end of December, I start to feel weird—restless, introspective, and vaguely unsatisfied.  Lots of people get reflective and zealous about the New Year, and I am prone to self-reflection throughout the year, so the New Year is like a double dose.  I look back on the year and wonder, what exactly did I accomplish?  And in the areas I feel I fell short, how can I improve?

While the idea of a fresh start is appealing to most of us, I think there’s something misleading in analyzing our months in terms of success and failure.  We set goals for ourselves with the best of intentions, but then get upset when Life intervenes and sends us off course. 

In 2010, I had three different addresses in three different states.  Believe me, that was NOT the plan when I started my year.  For ten and a half months, the vast majority of my belongings were in a storage unit in Branson, Missouri.  Also not part of the plan.  For nine months, I lived in my brother’s dining room in Austin, Texas.  SO not part of the plan (though I am grateful to him for putting up with me).  I also spent a third of the year unemployed.  But the other two thirds of the year, I did get to work with some really amazing kids whom I will miss in my new State.

In the middle of the year, I had an adventurous summer working at a day camp with the Y.  It was challenging, exhausting, and awesome.  I met some truly awesome and geeky tweens and got to experience a different side of Austin.  It absolutely was one of the highlights of my 2010.

In 2010, I searched desperately for direction and purpose.  I rediscovered a partly buried desire to go to Ireland as a missionary, to live relationally and be a part of the kingdom there.  The desire had never really left, it had simply been cluttered by other more immediate duties (like working, paying bills, and moving).  This year I did something about that desire: I attended an assessment conference held by the missions organization I wanted to go with, and they called me to work with them in Ireland.  It was such a moment of joy and clarity for me; but since then I allowed the same cluttering to reoccur, and I have done little since this summer to keep myself on the path to Ireland.  If I am going to go in 2011, I have a tremendous amount of work to do in the coming months.

I did a good bit of reading in 2010, including several books about the “new” things that are happening in the Christian community, things that excite me.  I attended a really wonderful church in Austin that brought me a lot of healing and encouragement.  I thought a lot about community and change and relational evangelism, but in reality, I spent most nights in front of the TV with my brother.  While I love a good story and I got see quite a few, there’s no doubt that I have been doing a little too much watching and thinking and not enough doing.  At the beginning of the year, I read Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” in which he talks profoundly about living a Good Story with your life.  It was part of what got me back on track about Ireland.  But now I am at the end of the year, and I wonder: did my months add up to a good story?

Now I am “home,” living with family again.  I never lived in Federal Way before, but about twelve years ago, we lived in Shelton, which is a couple hours away.  So it is like being home, in a weird way.  It’s beautiful here; the house we’re staying in has a view of the water, and on clear days (like today) you can even see the mountains.  My community is my extended family and the church that most of them attend—a tiny community church not at all like the one in Austin.  But my dad works there with the youth, and they feed the homeless every week, and they let us hold a Blue Christmas service.  This was my fourth year in a row putting together a service that allows people to step into the Christmas story with all their grief and sorrow and see that it may not be the “most wonderful time of the year,” but God is still with us.  

So I am facing 2011 and my mind is racing, trying to connect the disjointed stories of my year and retrace my erratic steps.  Did I learn anything?  Did I grow?  Did I change?  Did I discover anything profound about myself?  What did I accomplish (besides catching up on entire series of television)?  

• I kicked butt at laser tag (and got my butt kicked at paintball!)
• I paid off my credit card (cue hallelujah chorus, please)
• I finished one novel and am a chapter or two away from finishing another
• I kept my cat alive and well through three moves (sometimes with great protest on her part…)
• I read over thirty books
• I finally got some of the pictures I took in 2009 into frames

…Yes, major milestones all, clearly.  But seriously—what do YOU think the measure of success for a year is?  I’m still undecided on what to think of 2010 overall.  It was a strange and difficult year, woven from dark and knobby threads, but there were some strands of silver and gold in there, too.  Maybe the contrast is what makes it beautiful.  It was a hard year, but I am grateful for many things, including this opportunity to start fresh, close out one chapter and begin another.  

May my 2011 be less about goals and success as it is about telling a Good Story with my days, one I can be happy about when I am facing 2012.  And may you have a happy and blessed 2011, too.

Third Culture Kid

By now many of my few but faithful readers will likely have heard the news that I have been accepted as a missionary to Ireland with World Harvest Mission.  This was the result of not only a long application process and years of interest, but a recent trip to Philadelphia for a conference at WHM headquarters called "A&O" week.

A&O stands for "Assessment and Orientation."  The first half of the week. we were interviewed, and after we were accepted, the rest of the week was spent in orientation.  The whole process was really good in many ways; I feel like I've found a really good organization.  There is a lot that i could talk about (and probably will eventually), but there was one session in particular that struck me.

Though we went through five interviews, including one which covered the results of our psych and personality profile tests, most of what I talked about in those times were things I already knew about myself.  In one interview, however, after recounting all the places I'd lived in chronological order, someone remarked, "You're really kind of a Third Culture Kid, aren't you?" I had no idea what he meant; I'd never heard the term before that I could recall.

So when we had a session on Third Culture Kids (or TCKs) our last day, I was totally caught off guard.  Though the term TCK has come to replace MKs in many circles, and generally refers to kids who have grown up in another country, it's really about cultures.  Psychology Wiki lists the definition as follows: Third Culture Kids (abbreviated TCKs or 3CKs or Global Nomad) "refers to someone who [as a child] has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture."

Okay, you're saying to yourself, interesting, but what does that even mean?

Since I grew up in the many different cultures that make up the US, moving every few years and never really settling down, there are a lot of ways in which I myself am an adult TCK (ATCK).  I just didn't know it until now.  I knew that moving around all that time had shaped me in a lot of ways, but I didn't know there was this whole group of people out there who feel into the same category and had the same struggles.  When our facilitator listed the strengths and weaknesses that many TCKs have, I felt a little like I'd just discovered I had a medical syndrome I didn't know existed.

One site I went to looking for links and info today suggested that I'm actually either a "Domestic" TCK or a Cross Cultural Kid (CCK).  Either way, the point is, my many uprooting and cultural experiences had an effect on me.  It shaped me into who I am today: a woman who cares about many cultures and places, but can't decide where to say she is "from." Here are some other characteristics:

• Make great culture bridges. They have multiple frames of reference.
  
  
• Excellent observers of other people. They can be very observant and sensitive.
  
  
• Establish relationships quickly. They cut through many of the initial levels of diffidence when forming relationships.
  
  
• Open-minded and less prejudiced.
  
  
• Adapt quickly to unfamiliar countries and people, culturally astute, cross-culturally enriched.
  
  
• More welcoming of newcomers into a community.
  
  
• Educational achievers - a high percentage will attend university and obtain advanced degrees.
  
  
• Live more in the present and for the moment. (Pollock, 1999)

And here are some challenges:

1. Belonging everywhere and nowhere. The elusive concept of "Where is home?"
   
   
2. Difficulty with commitment to people, places, schools, or school systems as these constantly change.
   
   
3. Uncertain cultural identity.
   
   
4. Problems with decision-making.
   
   
5. Loss of relationships, community, school is a loss of their world.
   
   
6. Feeling different from others, difficult in forming peer relationships; occurs more often at university level or when returning to "passport" country, where they are misunderstood by their peers.
   
   
7. Rootlessness and restlessness. The frequent need to change countries and homes.
   
   
8. Feeling "Out of Control" and Powerless. A feeling that they have no control over events and that these are often taken out of their hands anyway by the inevitability of the move.
   
   
9. A crisis of identity - "Who am I?"

So, there are upsides and downsides to this kind of life, but in the end, I guess it's just one more thing that helped shape me into the kind of person who pursues overseas missions!  I may not be able to say where I'm from, or be any good a long range planning to know where I'll end up, but I know where I'll be by the end of next year: Ireland.

And that's enough for me right now.

Twenty Ten, So Far

It’s a new year. We are less than two weeks in, and since it’s been a good long while since I blogged, I thought now was a good time to catch up. December was a crazy and stressful month for me, so I didn’t get around to blogging any of my thoughts then.

But my schedule’s pretty wide open at the moment, so here I go.

So far in 2010, I have:
• Moved to a new state
• Read five books
• Watched season 2 of Chuck (and almost all of season 2 of Psych)
• Been homesick for Pittsburgh
• Slept on a couch all but two nights
• Lost the job I was supposed to have when I got out here

Yeah, that last one sucks. It’s a long story, and apparently there’s no one to point a finger at, but the transfer I thought I was getting didn’t happen. So now I’m here in Branson, MO, living on my bff’s couch and trying to figure out Plan B. What a way to start a new year: homeless and unemployed.

People keep telling me that I’m here for a reason…and either I believe what I say I do, or I’m faithless. I’m having a hard time with this whole thing, because I miss my friends, family, apartment, and the job I used to have—the one with awesome coworkers and medical benefits.

Anyway, so in between working on not being bitter and pissed off, and trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life, I have actually been having fun. It would almost be like vacation, except my cat is here, and all my stuff is in storage. As previously mentioned, Brianne (my bff) and I have been watching lots of TV. Specifically Chuck. (We seriously love us some Chuck.)

So then, we got all excited, because season three just premiered. And like, last year, we were all freaking out because it looked like it might not even get a third season, and we were buying subway sandwiches and writing letters and talking our friends into watching season one on DVD. But now it’s back, and it’s AMAZING.

This is the part where I pretend I’m the kind of blogger who writes reviews that people actually read. I just feel compelled to gush about Chuck for a moment. During the first three hours of this season, we have laughed hysterically. And swooned. And gasped at unforeseen deaths. The music is top-notch as always; Buy More shenanigans fill out the spy drama and angsty romance. And the hair. Oh, the hair. After watching all of season 2 this week, I have a newfound appreciation for what they are doing to Zachary Levi’s hair this season. It finally suits him. I don’t know why it took so long, but thank God. Oh—also, Chuck now has super powers (via the 2.0 intersect) that enable him to do pretty much anything. Sometimes.

Partway through the two hour premiere, I realized that Chuck has the same problem that Peter Parker does in Spider-Man 2. (I know, I’m a huge geek. I’ve come to terms with it.) SM2 is not just one of my favorite superhero movies, it’s in my top 10 list of favorite movies of all time. (It also served as an impetus for me to write down the angsty superhero love story that I’d been thinking about for years, also known as “The Jagged Edge of Lightning.”)

In SM2, Peter Parker finds himself in quite a predicament: he can’t hold down a job, he can’t have the girl, and he can’t always catch the bad guy. Because his powers begin to fail. Inexplicably. In Chuck s3, Chuck finds himself out of two jobs, without his girl, and unable to catch the bad guy, because his intersect powers aren’t working. General Beckman tells him it’s because he’s too emotional (allow me to indulge in an eye roll, because I’m not a fan of Beckman. She’s too emotion-less!). Well, Pete had a similar problem: his powers begin to misfire in part because he’s so in love with MJ, and yet he can’t tell her, because she’s engaged, and he’s afraid to let her know about his whole alter-spider-ego. But when he stops trying to suppress all those pent-up emotions—voila! He gets back to his old Spidey self.

Something tells me that Chuck’s going through a similar transition. Everyone keeps telling him not to let his emotions get in the way, but that’s one of the things that makes him Chuck, and not your average superspy. (That and his geeky humor, aversion to violence, and ubiquitous Chuck hi-tops.) He’s just got to find the right balance, and in the meantime, it will be fun to watch the mishaps.

But those days he spent in his bathrobe, eating cheese balls, watching TV, and growing a beard? A similar fate may await me (minus the beard) if I don’t find a job soon. Chuck had an existential crisis, and I am too—for the third time in two years. This is about having more than a job, a five year plan, or some shiny new resolutions.

I am waiting for my path to be illuminated, but right now the road’s pretty dark. If I am here for a reason—not just here in Missouri, but jobless and homeless—I’d like to know what that reason is. I’m not a big believer in coincidence or accidents. Maybe I made a mistake. Or maybe, like Chuck and Spidey and pretty much all my favorite heroes, I just can’t see the whole story yet.
What I wouldn’t give for a glance at my next few chapters.…

Sofa, So Good

Well, I’m all moved into my new digs. My pad. My flat. It’s great.

I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier, but there is a wall dividing my bedroom and my living room that is one big bookshelf. I love it. I love sitting on my bed and looking at all my books. (I have a lot of books. They took a while to pack and unpack, but they’re in now.)

Another perk is that I have my own bathroom. This is pretty significant. I have never ever had a bathroom all to myself before, and I have to say, it’s quite a pleasure. In fact, the only noticeable downside is that I don’t have anyone to blame the dirtiness on. It’s all me.

But the most amazing things about my apartment have nothing to do with the architecture or the things I brought with me. It’s the things that were given to me. Let me make this clear: I have a lot of stuff. But I didn’t have quite enough furniture to fill up an apartment. I didn’t have, say, a couch. Or a table for my kitchen. (Or hardly anything for my kitchen.)

Needless to say, I don’t have lots of extra moola lying around with which to buy said furniture. Which is why I feel so incredibly blessed right now. God provided for me. (Via my friend and coworker Mindy, who knows everything.) He provided people who were giving away furniture—for free. I received not one, but two couches for my living room. (They’re both sofa beds, to boot!) AND I got a table and chairs for my kitchen.

Let me explain my kitchen to you. It’s small. Very small. Which is fine, for just me. But I needed a fairly small table. I had already decided on the “theme” for my kitchen. (I like decorating in themes.) Then I heard about the table. “It’s a rounded square,” she told me. “It’s got a glass top. And the rest of it,” she said, “is bamboo.”

The theme for my kitchen? “LOST.” Jungles. Islands. Yeah. It totally works. It's perfect, actually.

Yep, God is pretty awesome. Couches, a table, a ricemaker, pots and pans, a reading chair, a lamp...I have no problem with second-hand stuff. And God knows that. (Now I just have to start saving up for my own computer, so I don’t have to wait for my turn….)

Come by and see me sometime…you can sleep on my sofa!

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Well, folks, it’s time for the update. Everyone seems to be asking me what’s going on with me lately. And for once, I actually have an answer. A good one.


1) One month from today, I will be the pleased-and-proud tenant of my very own apartment. Why is this big news? Because I’ve been living at home since I graduated from college. But now, I will be liberated!! Well…sorta. The aforementioned apartment is actually attached to a house that—you guessed it—my family will be living in. But the apartment will be all mine, the lease in my name, and I’ll have the joyous (?) responsibility of paying its rent and utilities. Yay me!

Now, none of that would be possible without God. Seriously. The very reason I’ve been living with my folks so long is because the rent is so cheap. But God has provided me with a new job. Which brings me to my second bit of news.

2) I have a new job! I’m still at the Pregnancy Care Centers, and the coffee shop (at least for now), but as of today I am employed by my church, Memorial Park Presbyterian. As what? I’m so glad you asked! I will be the new Interim Worship Leader for Community Worship, the “modern” Saturday night service that I’ve been volunteering with for the last year and a half.

And with these two new responsibilities, I feel like a whole new chapter of my life is opening up. It is both exciting and terrifying simultaneously.

The new apartment—I’m ecstatic about! I can’t wait to get in there and decorate it all my way, and (slowly) buy all the things I need. The packing, moving, and unpacking…that I’m not too wild about.

The new job…I am also excited about, but in a more humbled, nervous, awed way. If you think of it, I could use prayer for it. Often. It is going to be challenging…but in a good, growing way. And after all…it’s interim. As in, temporary until we hire a Worship Pastor for the church, and then to be re-evaluated.

Okay, wow…so that’s like the whole thing. Now you know. SO…if you have any advice—on worship, or owning an apartment—leave me a comment! Or say whatever you want. I’m cool with that. Later! :)

Weird

After writing my last post, in which I confessed that as much as I want to be married, it’s not at the top of my to-do list, I started think about just how weird I am. You’d really think that a hopeless romantic like me would rate marriage as her number one goal in life, but...no. Sadly, this is not the only bizarre thing about me, as you’d see if you really knew me. So, for the heck of it, I thought I’d come clean and post a list of the 27 weirdest things about me (27, btw, is my favorite number). [For future readers, I'm adding edits in this color, over 4 years later.]

1. I have never lived anywhere for more than about five years. Some places I lived less than a year. [Pittsburgh was seven years.]

2. I am a phone-a-phobe. I hate to call people on the telephone. I don’t even like ordering pizza. I don’t know why; but I would much rather write an email or a real letter than call someone that I don’t know very well. And I mean very well.

3. I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I barely tolerate the smell. [This has changed.  I have come to enjoy some types very much in moderation.]
4. I currently own over 500 books, crammed into my bedroom. And I fully intend to buy many more.  [I couldn't begin to guess. Probably twice that.]
5. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 24 years old.
6. I have only been on two real dates. With two different guys.
7. I went to four different high schools.
8. I don’t believe in evolution. [At least, not macro evolution.]
9. I haven’t celebrated Halloween since I was five.
10. When I was in high school, I refused to watch Friends.
11. I like to watch TV and movies with the closed captions on, even though I am not hearing impaired.
12. I work at a coffee shop, but I don’t drink coffee.  [Yep, drink that now, too, thanks to my stint at Starbucks.]
13. In my spare time, when I’m bored, I watch Disney Channel programs. And I enjoy them.
14. I believe with my whole heart that there is a God, and that He created me, died for me, and loves me.
15. I am both a cat and a dog person.
16. Some people hear things and burst into song (my parents); I hear things and it will remind me of a movie quote. And I have to say it. And it will sound totally random.
17. Whenever I watch something (TV, movie) I play the “Where have I seen him/her” game. If an actor or actress is familiar, I have to figure out where I’ve seen him or her before. Luckily, IMDB has made that a whole lot easier for me.
18. I laugh out loud when I’m reading or watching something, no matter where I am.
19. I write in my books; I underline and circle things and scribble in the margins even if it’s a work of fiction. I can’t not write (if it’s my copy).
20. I randomly use a British accent in conversation; but my whole family does this. [This has gotten worse since becoming obsessed with Doctor Who.]
21. I really don’t like going to the beach or camping. [Actually, it depends on the beach, the campsite, and who I'm with.  I quite liked Greystones beach in Ireland, for example.]
22. I watch the credits of movies.
23. I eat cake for the frosting. But only if it’s the “good” kind.
24. My legs do not tan. They stay super-white no matter how long I stay out. [Except in Texas, as I discovered during a long summer as a camp counselor in the scorching sun.]

25. I snort when I laugh if I think something is really funny.
26. I’m actually friends with my brother and parents.
27. I don’t care a whit which way the toilet paper goes.

There you have it! I’m a freak. Though you probably already suspected this was true, now you have proof. But you know, I wouldn’t trade all my quirks and idiosyncrasies even if I could. Maybe that’s the weirdest thing about me.

PS: I challenge you to come up with a weird thing about me and post it in a comment. Go on. I can take it.